What kind of taxi driver is your presidential candidate?

With four days to go before the national elections, Inquirer Motoring shares how its readers liken the five candidates to taxi drivers. Here’s what they say:

Duterte

Journalist Junep Ocampo said:  “Rody Duterte is a driver that is hard to get right now because most passengers would want to try him. He has been on the road for more than 30 years already and he promises to get you to your destination safe and sound, with no traffic whatsoever, but based on his record, he would probably be doing it by running over other cars that would block his way.

Jing Garcia, editor of InterAksyon.com, said: “Probably he’ll be the drunk taxi driver who’ll be blabbering about the things he’d done throughout his career; how he killed the robbers who tried to hold him up the other night and how he got good night kisses from all the pretty call center agents he brought safely home in the wee hours of the morning. He sounds like the drunk uncle at your family reunion; makes it a real party but ruins it at the end of the night. As your driver, you’ll never know if you’re going to reach your destination. so you get off the next block.”

Juan Abad (not his real name), a veteran sports and motoring journalist, said: “Duterte would be the typical devil-may-care driver who would deviate from traffic rules if only to impress the passenger but most importantly, get to his/her destination the fastest way possible.”

Leon Guerrero (not his real name), a Motoring writer who requested anonymity, said: “Digong Duterte is that type of taxi driver who curses at all the slow drivers. He’s the one who’ll get you to your destination in the shortest possible time, though there is no guarantee you’ll arrive in one piece.”

Poe

Ocampo: “Grace Poe, the prettiest and youngest driver of the lot, is telling you that she has taken over her adoptive father’s cab and that she would take you to your destination faster than Duterte, and unlike Duterte, she would not be breaking traffic rules in the process. However, she is a newbie and her lack of experience is something other drivers are criticizing.”

Garcia: “It’s payday and you got a bonus because the economy is good. You tried to take the train but the train is not working. Public bus is no go because of the heavy traffic. While trying to decide how to get home, three men hold you up on the sidewalk. You fight because it’s your hard-earned money. They clobber you. Kick you. And finally stab you. They leave you half dead. You can’t get up. Luckily a car pulls up. Seeing your dire situation, the cabbie with a heart desperately tries to put you in the cab. It feels like six years before help came. Once in the cab the driver asks you, “where to?”

Abad: “Poe would be the novice taxi driver who keeps asking for directions at every stop and tests the patience of the passenger to the max with her stupid antics only to still get lost in the end.”

Guerrero: “Grace Poe is an Uber driver. She will engage you in small talk about her ideal family setup. You may probably fall asleep during this time.”

Roxas

Ocampo: “Mar Roxas is an experienced driver who promises to provide you the same quality of service as the previous driver that used to take you around. He thinks you are happy with the previous driver’s performance, hence he keeps on harping about it and telling you that when it’s his turn to drive, he would do the same or even better.”

Garcia: “There’s a cab driver who will insist on taking Edsa. And this driver is the one. Oblivious of the heavy traffic, he’ll always say: “At least it’s moving.” Sitting behind, you’ll just be glad you’re still alive and traffic is not fatal, as yellow cab drivers would say. But then again, you’re on your way to Quezon City, so why is the cabbie bringing you to Pasay?”

Abad: “Roxas would be the spokening bow-wow-wow type of cab driver, very neat-looking, always trying to impress, even sweet-talking the passenger that he owns this and that. The passenger doesn’t even know that he has an expired license, the cab is colorum and his earnings are barely enough to feed the three families he is maintaining.”

Guerrero: “Mar Roxas will follow all traffic rules and regulations, and will patiently wait in line during traffic. If you’re in a hurry, you will curse him, instead.”

Binay

Ocampo: “Jojo Binay is also an experienced driver, but lately, he has been reported to be cheating on the meter. He promises to give you a hassle-free ride, but you are not sure whether you would get your money’s worth.”

Garcia: “There’s always that cab, despite being empty of passengers, you just don’t want to ride it. You’ve been waving for a taxi for six hours now, waiting for a driver with his 2016 model car. Yet, there’s this one cab. It’s available. Repeatedly passing in front of you. But the car is dilapidated. Obviously, it’s been used more than 20 years. And the driver, you’d seen him around since ’86 as a runner to the assistant mechanic. Now he has his own cab. Still you don’t want to ride no matter what. But you’re desperate to go to your destination. So you finally ride it. And it got you to the next corner. The driver got arrested for too much traffic violations.”

Abad: “Binay would be the crook who haggles for an extra charge before he allows the passenger to board the cab, takes the long route even if he knows a shorter one and would never give back any item left behind by the passenger, especially a wallet.”

Guerrero: “Jojo Binay is the taxi driver who operates a defective meter. You’ll never take your eyes off that meter because you’ll be alarmed at how fast your fare adds on.”

Santiago

Ocampo: “Miriam Santiago is probably the most experienced and most knowledgeable driver in the lot, but she is sick with cancer and you and many other passengers seriously doubt if she would be healthy enough to take you to your destination.”

Garcia: “She teaches you the way to your destination even though you already know the way. She pops unknown pills along the way and it makes you wary for your safety. You’re not even in the middle of your trip, she asks (on her two-way radio) for the next driver in line to take over on the next crossing. You get even more worried when you see the next driver—he was the one who held you up the last time you rode a cab.”

Abad: “Miriam is the aging white-haired and gout-stricken manong driver who has all the good intentions of providing for his family by working all day. While health has taken its toll, he wouldn’t give up just because he wants to prove something even if everybody is asking him to retire.”

Guerrero: “Miriam Defensor Santiago is the driver who always wears a mask to protect her from airborne germs. She’s the tour guide type of driver who knows everything that happened in any part of the route, if you ask the right questions. She will hand you a receipt for the taxi fare.”

Taxi driver to 2022

Guerrero: “My kind of taxi driver will be the one who follows Waze, which means, I’m still undecided.”

Sophie delos Santos, organizer of the TransSportShow, said: “I can relate with this so much because my benchmark for being a good driver is a taxi driver who knows the ins and outs of the streets. Anyway, I have unusual requests for my candidate taxi driver. First and foremost he must be ‘clean’ and doesn’t have body odor. Second, he must not have that habit to stare at you through the rear view mirror. Too creepy.  Third, not too talkative, most especially these days when one is so tempted to talk about his presidential candidate. Fourth, he should be polite enough to open the door for you and grateful when given a tip. Lastly, I hope he/she knows the way so I don’t need to be the one to drive the taxi for him/her.”

Architect and urban planner Felino Palafox Jr., said: “My taxi driver must have good vision, must know the fastest route to my destination, must know how to avoid the potholes (corruption, criminality, climate change) must give way to poor pedestrians (poverty), must have a clean cab, non-polluting (environment), and must respect the traffic rules with good driving habits.”

Abad picks Duterte. “I’d like to be with the cab driver whom I’d feel safe and protected en route to my intended destination with my satisfaction as his primary goal. Someone who has the guts to argue with a corrupt traffic officer, gives me back my change and items left behind, knows directions better than Waze, shows me the best locations to eat and entertain me with his gutter language that allows us to share a laughter. Yes, indeed, it’s what he would fondly call Happy-happy trip and I would end up being amazed at his story on how he found a bag containing P200 million and when nobody claimed it, he built centers for drug addicts and rape victims around the country.”

Garcia: “You had enough of taxis. No cab drivers this time. You pulled out your smartphone and hailed a ride from an app. After a couple of taps, it says: ‘Your Uber driver is ‘Leni’.”