Sunday saw an exciting Belgian Grand Prix with more hand-to-hand combat than the Expendables. The only downer is that Sebastian Vettel cost Jenson Button a sure victory. How can we be so sure? We saw footage of Jessica Michibata trackside, a sure sign he would have taken the trophy, had the “Crash Kid” not intervened.
For denying us more Jessica footage, here’s a comparo with his separated-at-birth Canadian counterpart, Justin Bieber:
Sebastian Vettel, world-famous highly-strung Formula One driver
Claim to fame: Youngest F1 race winner
Discovered while: driving around his garden in Kerpen, Germany
Favorite drink: Two parts Red Bull, one part Rausch orange juice, one part Total 97 octane
Idols: the three Michaels: Jackson (alas, puberty), Jordan (alas, not seven feet tall), and Schumacher (hey, now…) He’s learning fast from this idol, too.
Worst moment: being hit by his teammate while leading the Turkish Grand Prix (or was that the other way around?)
Favorite pastime: provoking Mark Webber into making his “scary Aussie” face
Best quote on him: “It’s kids isn’t it… kids with not enough experience – they do a good job and then they fuck it all up.” (Mark Webber)
Interesting quirk: Names his cars: Julie (2008), Kate, Kate’s Dirty Sister (2009), Luscious Liz and Randy Mandy (2010).
Secretly wants to: race in the 24 hours of Lemons
Justin Bieber, world-famous high-pitched pop singer
Claim to fame: Seven songs from debut album made Billboard 100 chart
Discovered on: YouTube
Favorite drink: Mello Yello with helium bubbles
Idols: The three ’Munks: Alvin, Simon, and Theodore
Worst moment: being hit by a bottle during a concert
Favorite pastime: annoying Conan O’Brien
Best quote on him: “He’s such a tiny little baby! I would’ve loved to push him around onstage in a carriage.” (Kesha)
Interesting quirk: Willing to go out with any girl under 40
Secretly wants to: hold a concert in North Korea
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