Vettel Late than Bieber

August 30,2010

Sunday saw an exciting Belgian Grand Prix with more hand-to-hand combat than the Expendables. The only downer is that Sebastian Vettel cost Jenson Button a sure victory. How can we be so sure? We saw footage of Jessica Michibata trackside, a sure sign he would have taken the trophy, had the “Crash Kid” not intervened.

For denying us more Jessica footage, here’s a comparo with his separated-at-birth Canadian counterpart, Justin Bieber:

Sebastian Vettel, world-famous highly-strung Formula One driver
Claim to fame: Youngest F1 race winner
Discovered while: driving around his garden in Kerpen, Germany
Favorite drink: Two parts Red Bull, one part Rausch orange juice, one part Total 97 octane
Idols: the three Michaels: Jackson (alas, puberty), Jordan (alas, not seven feet tall), and Schumacher (hey, now…) He’s learning fast from this idol, too.
Worst moment: being hit by his teammate while leading the Turkish Grand Prix (or was that the other way around?)
Favorite pastime: provoking Mark Webber into making his “scary Aussie” face
Best quote on him: “It’s kids isn’t it… kids with not enough experience – they do a good job and then they fuck it all up.” (Mark Webber)
Interesting quirk: Names his cars: Julie (2008), Kate, Kate’s Dirty Sister (2009), Luscious Liz and Randy Mandy (2010).
Secretly wants to: race in the 24 hours of Lemons

Justin Bieber, world-famous high-pitched pop singer
Claim to fame: Seven songs from debut album made Billboard 100 chart
Discovered on: YouTube
Favorite drink: Mello Yello with helium bubbles
Idols: The three ’Munks: Alvin, Simon, and Theodore
Worst moment: being hit by a bottle during a concert
Favorite pastime: annoying Conan O’Brien
Best quote on him: “He’s such a tiny little baby! I would’ve loved to push him around onstage in a carriage.” (Kesha)
Interesting quirk: Willing to go out with any girl under 40
Secretly wants to: hold a concert in North Korea

Disclaimer: The comments uploaded on this site do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of management and owner of Cebudailynews. We reserve the right to exclude comments that we deem to be inconsistent with our editorial standards.