Mechanophilia

ILLUSTRATION BY STEPH BRAVO

We get it. You love your car. You love cars in general. But the question is: just how much do you love them? Most people like them an appropriate amount, and by that I mean not enough to have sex with them.

What’s that? Sex with cars? That’s not a thing, you’re probably mumbling to yourself now.

Sorry to assault your virgin eyes and ears, but, believe it or not, the sexual attraction to machines, including cars, is very real. And it even has a name.

Mechanophilia is an actual condition where people develop a very un-wholesome-like desire for things like bicycles, motorcycles, ships, airplanes, and yes, cars.

Given how pervasive modern technology is these days, is it even any wonder that humans have developed peculiar, if not downright unhealthy relationships with machines and other inanimate objects?

A 2012 survey in the UK revealed that, of about 2,500 respondents, about 75 percent said losing a personal device would give them more anxiety than losing a wedding ring.

Another study from 2016, meanwhile, said that about 40 percent of millennials interact more with their smartphones than their co-workers, parents and friends.

As for automobiles in particular, there is scant few studies and academic papers that have been published to help us understand how and why people develop mechanophilia.

In an article for Psychology Today, Dr. Mark Griffiths quotes Symone Nelson: “Some mechanophiliacs enjoy the engineering aspect of their object, how it works, moves and is built. While others are fascinated with the effect it produces, for example the noise and warmth that comes off of a drying machine.

“There is a niche of porn called ‘machine porn’ where women and men are involved in erotic acts with machines that are made for the purpose of sex,” the report adds… “You can probably find a mechanophiliac using sex toys and machines on their partners or on themselves during sex… On the extreme end, mechanophiliacs NEED the presence of their object to reach sexual gratification or ONLY the presence of their object will bring them sexual gratification and another person is not able to do so.”

Unsurprisingly, there are many case studies of mechanophilia recorded in many parts of the world. There’s that guy in Kansas, USA, who police caught, umm, molesting the tailpipe of a car (would’ve been interesting to find out the make and model of that car, but unfortunately, it wasn’t disclosed in the report).

Then there’s that Pennsylvania woman who police caught running around in rush hour traffic in a town called West Norriton. The cops brought her to her home, where, according to the police report, she immediately “kissed, hugged, and became emotional over a white Nissan Pathfinder that she called Husky Bear.”

We’re sure that’s not the first time somebody had a nickname for their car, but you gotta admit, that’s pretty far out.

And even on Reddit, there’s a dedicated subreddit for self-professed mechanophiliacs, where they openly share their fondness for all things automobiles, discuss things like what they think are the sexiest cars, and post very graphic photos of, well, just use your imagination.

Still, far be it for me to pass judgment on other people for what they find sexually arousing. But I thought it would be good to point out that, when you hear somebody say they love their car, some people can actually take that love to the extreme.